As most of you know, as of today I have 1 year of marriage under my belt! Yay! It has been one of the best years of my life….and also one of the hardest. Marriage is not a walk in the park. When people say you have to “work at it” they are not lying. You not only work on yourself but you and your partner work together as a unit. I know I have a lot to learn, but for my first year of marriage here is what I found are my top 6 most difficult parts
Money can be a hard thing to balance in a marriage. I love to spend money and Michael does not haha. I usually am the one to purchase something on a whim or if I feel like I “need” it I can easily justify my purchases. Finance has not been an issue in my marriage but it is something we are getting acustom to. The hardest part of money in my marrriage is that sometimes what he finds important to purchase I do not and vice versa. For instance Michael’s car had broken down and he needed to get it fixed. The bill was estimated at $1,200! I could not justify that purchase. He had a motorcycle and I had my car and I thought we could get around just fine for the time being. As you all know the weather does change here in Utah and it started to get cold. Too cold for him to ride his motorcycle to work and back. Boy was I wrong. I felt terrible when he had come home from a 30 min bike ride from work in the cold night. Among all the layers he had on, his hands were freezing and nose running. I knew we had to get his car fixed…despite what he had tole me from the getgo. and I will say having two incomes is a huge positive in a marriage. Especially if you have a lot of reoccurring bills each month. Michael and I currently do not share a bank account. So far it has not been a problem and we plan to keep our seperate accounts but have one that is combined. But do what works for you and your spouse! Don’t be afraid to try new things and branch out when it comes to organizing and keeping track of finances. The most difficult part of marriage is learning that both parties now own the money in the bank account. Figuring out when I could spend money without permission, or how much I could spend is an adjustment for sure.
2. Carrier Paths
Michael and I have been the people to bounce from job to job for many different reasons. We are both in a point in our lives where we are still trying to figure out what we want to do long term. What to dedicate our time,energy and money to. When I first started blogging I fell in love! I knew that it was something I wanted to do full time. Unfortunately our lifestyle does not allow me to quit my day job and just blog. Finding a solid career for both of us has been a rollercoaster but we are stronger because of it and I would not have it any other way.
For some reason finding the time to do chores is one of the hardest things. I don’t love to clean but I love the feeling after the fact of walking into a clean home. It is like everything is brand new. But there are a few chores that I absolutely hate doing. The dishes and laundry. Which some might say these are the two most important chores. For a shopoholic like myself, I have A LOT of clothes which means I have A LOT of laundry to do. I tend to let it pile on and eventually I have a mountain of clean clothes that need to be put away and a mountain of dirty clothes that need to be washed. It becomes a daunting task that I set aside. My husband too adds to this problem which in turn creates a treacherous monster tower of clothes. Neither of us find the time or the energy to tackle the task. In short, we are still trying to figure out a laundry schedule. Dishes is our second daunting task. Not as bad as laundry but I love to cook but hate cleaning the dishes after the fact. After cooking dinner for 2 or 3 days in a row the sick is overflowing and we have no choice to do the dishes. Michael usually gets the dishwasher gig and does it with no complaints. (He is God sent.) But it does take us a few days before we get to it. WE ARE NOT PERFECT lol Figuring out who is going to do what and when around the home can sometimes turn into a battle.
Intimacy is a difficult struggle throughout marriage. In ours specifically we love and are obsessed with each other. However, It has the potential to lead to all kinds of problems that can torpedo a relationship. Intimacy is like a language, only neither spouse speaks the same version of that language. Trying to translate that language into something workable can be tough on both sides. I would recommend taking the five love languages test. My husband loves to touch and that is his way of showing his love yet, sometimes I get annoyed with too much touch and I want to be left a lone. I love giving gifts and spending time and sometimes my husband thinks “Oh, you really shouldn’t have” as well as he wants his own space. It is a constant battle that we both need to work on. Being newly married we are still trying to figure each other out.
5. Way of Life
Old habits die hard. Let’s face it, you and your spouse are two totally different people. For Michael and I we have been trying to figure out our way of life and what we like to do. Of course we like doing things together but there are things you adjust to and do because your spouse likes it. For instance I like romance/chick flicks and Michaels leans more toward action and comedy movies. I don’t like always going to the gym, Michael loves it. I love almond milk and he hates it. You get the idea. You have to adjust and conform to each other’s needs. For instance, michael drinks almond milk now;) And I am starting to cook with tomatoes and mushrooms (even though I despise them.) lol
6.Picking and Choosing our Battles
It is important to understand what is worth fighting about and what is not. For me, I had the hardest time with this our first 6 months of marriage and I sometimes still struggle. I can get worked up about the little things that just really don’t matter. I found that if I take a step back and take a breath It gives me enough time to think and realize it’s not worth fighting about. Marriage can be difficult but I love being married and how much it has taught me.